Can Nobody Hear Me?
by mustitbeso
Summary: Set around 4x05 ish. Blaine's story after the break-up. No one listens to him so he begins to rely on a diary. Blangst oneshot but may be continued at some point. Title taken from "Hear Me" by Imagine Dragons.


Blaine gets so sick of all the loneliness. And more than anything, he wants someone to listen to him. At this point, Blaine doesn't even care if Kurt forgives him. Of course it'd be nice, but he just can't let him go without knowing the whole story. No one in glee club seems to notice, or even care. They _saw _him run, crying out of the auditorium and what they worry about is their musical? Blaine figures, if no one will listen to him, the only one he can count on is himself. So he writes a diary.

It's not a fancy book, it was just a spare exercise book he found in his room. It's not like anyone's going to see it anyway. And the more it blends in, the better. He doesn't want anyone reading his deepest, darkest thoughts. He starts writing a little skeptically, this little book wasn't going to help anything, but as soon as he started pouring out more and more of his soul, the more he relies on it. And yes, he realises that it sounds exactly like Harry Potter, with Ginny and Tom Riddle's diary.

He begins to love writing his diary so much that he starts to bring it to school. Ever since the breakup, he hasn't thought of school as much of a priority. He daydreams in every class and sits in the back corner of glee. _So much for being the new Rachel_, he thinks. Some of the other students are being given the chance to shine and he doesn't mind all that much because in the mood he's in, all the glee club would sing is ballads and depressing show tunes. It's better this way.

It's all going so well until one day,  
"Hey Blaine, is this yours? What is it?"  
He could almost hear his heart plummeting. It was just after history, just when Tina was leaving the room. Blaine had finished writing in the book and placed it on the floor next to his desk. He'd been bringing it to school for at least a week, no one had ever questioned why it was on the floor.  
"Oh, that? It's just an extra study book, why do you ask?"  
"No particular reason, I just thought maybe you forgot about it or dropped it."  
"Okay, thanks Tina," Blaine, who was sitting down, smiled up at her.  
"See you in glee, Blaine"

Tina saw it. There was no name, so she had to flick through the book and saw Blaine's handwriting. She already knew what it was, but she wanted to see if Blaine would be truthful about it. Obviously not. But who could blame him?  
"_What is it?" _  
"_Oh, it's just a book that I tell all my secrets to that I won't tell anyone else."_  
Yeah, right. But even without reading it, just a glimpse at it showed how much Blaine needed someone to be there for him. And _she _wasn't. Well, _she_ was going to do something about it.

That afternoon in glee, Blaine just isn't into it. Even more so than usual. It had been two weeks since he last saw Kurt, two weeks since the breakup and watching everyone fight about what to sing at sectionals just isn't enough to keep his mind off it. Finn doesn't even say anything about it. Sure, he's a little disappointed in him but he has somehow found a way to avoid the topic altogether. Blaine doesn't know if Finn's spoken to Kurt at all since then.  
"We should do a medley. We could do an ABBA medley! We could have everyone singing a little part in the song."  
"Unique doesn't care what song it is but Unique must feature in the set."  
"_Not_ ABBA, that's stupid."  
"Alright _enough_, we should already be practising, not deciding what songs we should be singing!"  
Blaine slowly gets up out of his chair and makes his way silently to the door. He wasn't planning on saying goodbye or 'I have to go'. It was his own little test to see if anyone noticed he was even leaving. He fixes the shoulder strap of his bag so that it goes under the collar of his shirt and pulls down on the handle. _Nothing._ He opens the door. _Nothing_. He walks out of the door and closes it behind him. _Nothing._ Blaine just shrugs in resignation and takes a few paces down the hallway.

Tina doesn't say anything, but she notices and the empty chair in the back row and felt the draught when the door opened. She sees that Blaine's left his book on the ground. She picks it up and places it carefully in her bag.  
Blaine really shouldn't be so spiteful to them. If he hates himself this much, why shouldn't they? But it hurts you much more for someone else to hate you than for you to hate you. Because that just makes it real. It makes it true that that is what someone's opinion is of you. _Did _they hate him?  
Blaine is pulled out of his thoughts when he hears another set of footsteps down the hallway. "Wait, Blaine, I'm really sorry." Blaine pauses. _That's _new. Blaine pivots to face the voice. To his surprise, it's Tina. His face softens. "What do you need to be sorry for? If anything, I should be sorry."  
"I'm sorry we never noticed how much you were hurting. I think we kind of maybe saw it as the new Rachel overreacting in the Rachel manner or maybe we are such jerks that we forgot that you are our friend and only saw the big picture. The musical. Probably the latter. But either way I'm really sorry and I hope you'll forgive me."  
"Of _course_ I'll forgive you, Tina, but it's not your fault," Blaine said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry for being such a drama queen."  
"But you're _not_. That's the thing. We all saw how you and Kurt were - are - perfect for each other," Tina said, careful with her words and constantly watching for changes in Blaine's expression. "It wasn't a normal breakup, and when we all say that we understand what you're going through, we really don't. Which is why I wanted to ask: Are you okay?"  
There it is. There they are. Those three words Blaine has been _longing_ to hear. He didn't realise how desperate he was until he felt the tears falling from his eyes.  
"Oh Blaine..." Tina whispered, enveloping Blaine in a large hug. "I guess the answer to the question's a bit obvious. I'm sorry I couldn't tell earlier." Her heart broke when she heard the sobs and felt the boy burrow his head in her shoulder.  
Tina brings Blaine back to her house. There isn't really much talking involved, at least not for the first hour or so. Mostly Blaine is in shock because for the first time in _weeks _he has some company. Someone cares about what he is going through.  
Tina knows she's overstepping her boundaries but the next day, she posts the book to Kurt. She doesn't have to and therefore won't read it but she hopes that somehow it will make Kurt talk to him.

The next day at school, Blaine freaks out a little bit because he realises he left his book in the choir room. He walks as little too briskly down the hallway to where Tina is at her locker. "Tina?" he calls. "Tina, do you know... did you see if I left anything behind in the choir room yesterday? I checked this morning and nothing's there. It's kinda important," he leans closer. He feels like he can let Tina in on this one little secret. "It's my diary." Blaine's eyes are wide and still red from yesterday - or possibly this morning. Tina tries not to show that she knows where it is but it's difficult because she feels bad about lying to him. It's for his own good though. "I don't know, sorry. But if it's not there, either the janitor took it, or someone else from glee. Either way you don't have to worry though."  
"But what if - what if someone _else_ took it?"  
"No one does, whoever steps in there suffers serious social consequences. You'll be fine, I promise. If anything does happen. which it won't, I'll be here for you."

* * *

"Hey Kurt, this came in the mail," Rachel called.  
There was no change in Kurt's expression. "What is it?" he said monotonously.  
"I don't really know," she replied, examining the book. "It looks like some kind of exercise book. And it's in -" she says the name carefully - "Blaine's handwriting."  
"I don't want it. I don't want to see it."  
"Alright, but there's a letter with it too."  
That night, like every other night, Kurt can't sleep. He's been lying on his bed for an hour, staring at the ceiling. There's nothing else to do. It's then that he realises that he still has that photo on his bedside. The one of him and Blaine together on Valentine's day. He hasn't had the heart to take it down or burn it or _something_. The only other things there are the letter and the book.  
_What is it? Why would someone he send me a workbook? _Curiosity takes over and he finally gives up. He picks up the letter first.

_Hi Kurt, _

_I know we don't really talk much but things have been rough back here in McKinley._

_A certain someone really needs your help and I figured you could read this for him?_

_I'm not saying you have to forgive him. I'm just saying something's really wrong and none of us really know what to do. No one knows him as well as you do._

_Love, Tina_

_Wait... This is from Tina? _Kurt moves on to the book.  
The writing is messy and the book isn't very well cared for. There are tear stains all over it.

_Um... I don't really know what I'm doing. It just kinda seems like no one's listening to me so I figured I'd write a diary. I've never kept a diary before so this is kind of new to me... _

_I've had plenty of time to think. Maybe too much, actually. The first thing that everyone from glee asked was "Why did you do it?" It's hard to respond to the question when there really is no answer. There is no excuse for what I did, and I have to live with the consequences. But I can't move on. I can't forgive myself. Kurt won't listen to my story, Sam won't listen to my story. Nobody really cares. I thought I felt alone before I did it, but then what am I now? And it's all my fault. _

This book was turning out to be a lot darker, not just for him, than he thought it was going to be.

_More than anything, I just want to be able to tell someone how I felt, why I did it, who it was, everything. Not that I really know the answers. I'm so so sorry. I just kinda feel dead. I feel like I'm crying all the time._

_I know I'm being really selfish for wanting them to pay attention to me. To notice how I'm feeling. If I hate me, they must hate me. _

_Most of all I just really miss him. Really, really miss him. I just want things to go back to the way they were._

That wasn't all of it but Kurt felt like he couldn't read any more of it. Not then.

* * *

Things didn't get harder, but they didn't get easier either. Every day he went to school, every afternoon he went home. Some days were a little better, with Tina around. But it's just not the same.  
One afternoon, Blaine was lying in his bed. He'd tossed aside his homework and was just about to fall asleep. There was a knock on the door.

* * *

**This story was pretty bad, I'm pretty sure I kept changing tenses and it had quite a lazy ending. Apologies, but congratulations if you made it to the end! I'm not sure if I'll continue it or not, it was supposed to be a oneshot.**


End file.
